Laughing at others misery

So I guess I never really thought about it until recently when my friend Biz brought the subject up... but I laugh at people's pain. I know! I am a horrible person! Now I don't mean when someone tells me their mother dies I laugh in their face... its more of a physical pain - when someone trips, falls, runs into things, etc.

The best example I can give you happened in the fall of 2007. A few classmates and I were outside during a class break. A stupid good for nothing boy who probably thought he was the shit... grabbed his skateboard and began showing off as he exited the perimeters of the building... well when he did his little "I am so cool" triple axel jump off the stairs.. he wiped out and landed on his ankle... as soon as his landed he grabbed his ankle and screamed "Yup, I broke it! I broke it!" (I've seen broken ankles and I didn't think he broke it for the record.. but I will never know) So as he is screaming in agony on a cement sidewalk, I busted out laughing and convulsing my body trying to remain standing... why did I laugh?.. I don't know.. when I saw he fell.. I thought it was funny... Just like when I was sitting in a public park in Wilkes-Barre with a few friends and I witnessed a five year old boy run his bike into a large trash can. It was hilarious..

Its not like I don't fall and trip. In fact in Wilkes-Barre I am known to be the klutz of my friends. I don't know how many times I tripped and fell into my own closet. Or what about my famous 6 feet fall head first from my bed. Ludes will never forget that special event.

I can't be the only person in the world that looks at people's dumb moments and laugh.. Funniest Home Videos make money off this kind of sick ritual.

The STRI Prank of the Year

Today at work (I am a ranger at Stones River National Battlefield) Ranger Jim Lewis scheduled me for the 2pm caravan tour. Now for those who don't know what the caravan tour is - Visitors ride in their own vehicles behind me and then we stop at certain tour stops, get out of the cars, and discuss the battle while taking in the landscape. So anyway, today happen to be a very special day. I usually drive the NPS van, but since its windshield was in need for repair (I didn't break it), Jim gave me permission to drive the patrol car. However he gave me a very strict rule. He told me with fire in his eyes, "If I see the patrol lights or hear the sirens go off, it will be the end for you, dear." - meaning if I play with the cool buttons to make the car go "woowoowoo" I'm fired... no fun but okay.

Well as I returned from filling a cooler full of water (we offer our visitors water on the tour) I gathered all the people in the visitor center who wanted to accompany me on the tour (15 total). I led them onto the park's vista and explained to them the wonders of the National Park System and the goals and rules of the caravan tour. Then I told all of them to head to their vehicles so we could begin the caravan tour. And as I exited the Visitor Center, Jim gave me "the look." which I interpreted as - "do not do anything stupid."

So I waited for all the cars to drive up behind me and then I sat in the patrol car, put the key in the ignition and all sudden my heart jumped and my stomach sank....

"WOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOO!WOOWOOWOOWOO!

THE SIREN WAS GOING OFF AND I DIDNT EVEN TOUCH ANYTHING!

I jumped out of the patrol car as Jim came running out of the visitor center! I waved my arms in the air as I yelled "I didn't do anything! It wasn't me!" Everyone was looking at me and laughing! Jim Lewis was practically on his knees crying with laughter... They all fooled me - Jim, volunteer Jim Bosse, and the visitors had pranked me good! Damn good... They were all in on it. Evidently - Jim, Ron, Jim Bosse, and the visitors schemed this up when I left the visitor center to go get water or something...

Needless to say - the visitors on my tour didn't take long to warm up to me and joked around with me as I toured them through the 3 day battle of Stones River.

Jim doesn't know about my successful pranks - so its on!

LOAD! READY! FIRE!

I never thought I would have the chance to dress up as a Civil War soldier and fire a cannon. Yesterday, I posed as Edmund the Union soldier. I was placed on a cannon team of 8 men and we fired the cannon 10 times throughout the day. Our team was so awesome because we did not miss fire once.

Now, firing the cannon is one hell of a good time. The sound of the explosion is so loud that your ears ring even though you have ear plugs in and it creates such a force that it moves the cannon backwards. The gunner gives his men three commands: Load, Ready, & Fire. And in the three commands the cannon team can prepare and fire the cannon. I can only imagine the fear in many soldiers eyes when they saw dozens of cannons just open fire as they charged the fields. My favorite way of firing is fire by sections. There was a total of 6 cannons out yesterday and when our captain (Ranger Jim Lewis) order "fire by sections" the to left canons will fire first, followed by the two center, and finally the two right.

Trying to portray life as a soldier is a little more difficult and not as fun. I did not like eating a huge hunk of ham, cheese and bread for lunch (especially when some guy used his dirty hand to cut it - yuck!) The only way i could drink water was through a rusty canteen bottle that gave the water a nasty tin taste - not good. And even though it was a gorgeous day outside yesterday, wearing a wool uniform is not very comfortable (someone tried to convince me that wool is great - wool "breathes" - my wool is broken then because it did not breathe once.)

The Power of the Pale Moon

"Another pale moon shines like the high noon..."

When I lived in Wilkes-Barre, PA, I often rode in the backseat of the vehicle when my friends and I traveled all over the Northeast. Although I may have slightly complained about always having to sit in the back (I always lost to "shotgun;" I just wasn't fast enough) it gave me a chance to just stare out the car window and take in the beauty of the landscape: the mountains, the green forests, the white snow that covered everything, the dark sky, the stars, and my favorite - the pale moon. I wondered how many people were observing the beauty of the moon like me and how many people appreciated the brightness of the moon in the darkness of the night.

Most of the time my friends blasted the music very high so it was easy to block out ongoing conversations and let my mind disappear for a while. I'd look into the distance space and "night" dream about anything and everything. I meditated about my life and where I was at that moment and how my decisions affected my life right down to why i decided to go for that particular car ride with my friends. I pondered where these decisions may lead to and wondered how it affected the next phase of my life. I thought about people - my friends and family, old friends I haven't seen in a long time, people I never met, and people I observed during the day. What were they doing at the exact moment I thought about them? What were they afraid of? What were their dreams? Who would I meet next? and where would I meet them? Sometimes I contemplated that whoever I was thinking about happened to be staring at the moon the exact same time I was - and we sort of connected for a brief moment before my friends finally interrupted and I'd fall back into the real world.

It was always hard to break myself from these "night" dreams and my friends would often have to yell my name pretty forcefully to get my attention.

I always looked forward to those moments of solitude. Yes, I was in the confines of a small compact space with 2 or more people, but looking up at the moon transported me into a place that no one could enter but me. I lost all connections with the present and pondered, wondered, and dreamed as I experienced the power of that pale moon.

Ural was the Downfall

URAL... That was my down fall in the game of risk this evening. I had conquered all of North America, South America, most of Asia, and a little bit of Europe. The game board looked like the communists were taking over the world. GLOBAL DOMINATION!

But because my friend was on her way out of the game, my "south" feelings kicked in and i spared her little country of nothing - her Ural (they speak Russian there)...

THEN all a sudden out of nowhere i have 3 countries remaining in my possession... AND MY ENEMIES ARE TAKING OVER MY CONTINENTS! where did my men go? I guess thats the game of Risk.

I have thought about it... there is really only 2 kinds of strategies. 1. take as many countries and spread your men out only to be easily invaded by your enemies... or 2. arm up your favorite countries and do not let anyone take them... not matter what!

The other downfall to this game is forming allies.. thats right i said allies are downfalls. I withheld from invading and conquering Ural only to be stabbed in the back. Of course my friend didn't mean it or didn't realize what she was doing when she made allies with the enemy (or maybe she did...) But as soon as promises were made (she gave her word not to attack Alaska)... i lost my countries and continents.

By the end of the evening i was able to put some of my men back up on the board... we have control of Africa... o.. and i finally took that damn Ural and i will see to it that it will always be in my possession no matter what!

Risk... its a game of fun? or GLOBAL DOMINATION!

Preparation leads to stress

Test. Exam. Assessment. Final. Quiz. Review. Comps.

Those are very scary words. But here is the funny thing - Its not the test that leads me to a dark whole where i want to curl up in a ball and die of starvation - its the preparation. I had worked myself into a frenzy these last two weeks trying to prepare for my exams and right till almost the end you could not get me from thinking about my upcoming tests. I had the whole works: irritability, tiredness, recurring worrying thoughts, lack of tolerance, anxiousness, listlessness, prone to burst with anger and tears, and disturbed sleep. Is it really worth all that? I sat in a room for four hours writing everything i could remember from the past two weeks of studying. Those four hours were not stressful but more of a way to release all the stress i had built up anticipating for the day to come. Although i say this now, I know i will still enter freak out mode when i begin to prepare for my orals...